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Thursday, February 23, 2006

Muslim Marriage - Funny (based on true story)

Bismillah ar-Rahmaan ar-Raheem,

Here is more from the "Going Up North" script that I'm writing. I just copied it pasted from the middle of the scene. Basically, the topic of marriage has come up and Hamza is getting advise from the other brothers. Shareef's story below is based on a true story. In the movie, I want to show the actual dramatization so you can see what he is talking about. I think that would be funny.

I say talk to the moms and see what she says. The mother usually can give you the hook up on how to soften the father
Well, if all goes well, I’m suppose to meet the parents
Ahhh..this is getting good.
Don’t worry, I can handle it
Hey Shareef, tell Hamza about the camel story when you met that sister’s parents
Yeah, that was funny
Na, I rather not
Its hilarious
C’mon Shareef, tell me. These guys have already heard it. I haven’t heard it
Oh ok fine.
Check this out Hamza, this is funny
Ok, I met this sister online
Online (smiling)
Silence! Let me finish the story
Yeah, let him finish
Anyways, I met her online after we exchanged pictures, talked on the phone, etc...I bought a plane ticket to go see her. When I arrived at her house, I met the mother and father and the house was full of smoke
Yeah, her father started smoking again when she told him about me
Can you blame him? kidding...I’m just kidding.
Would you let me tell the story. Anyways, he thought I was shia and he totally freaked out. He thought, I was there to steal his daughter and convert her to shiaizm or something. Anyways, after he invited me in, I sat down on the couch while the sister and her parents sat on the coach across from me. I was drilled with questions and I answered all of them honestly. After a while, everything seemed to go really good. The mother had put the discovery channel on television screen beforehand so it wouldn’t be quiet (in case of awkward silences) but since the father and I clicked, we were totally cool and we had lots to talk about. Then, at one point the mother’s face turns red and she jets out of the room. Like 10 seconds later, the sister’s face turns red too and she quickly dashes out of the room too. Now the father is talking about something like really serious so my eyes were liked locked on him. But my curiosity got the best of me so I looked to my left to see what freaked the sister and her mom out. I saw two camels mating on the television screen and the volume was up. It was loud bro..it was loud! like...ahhhh...ahhhhh....the camels tongue was hanging out and everything. They were making these loud noises...I was like “can’t this guy hear this?”...apparently not. He was so much into what he was talking about that he totally was in the zone. I wish I was in the zone cuz all I could here were camels going at it. Bro, I couldn’t handle it. The laughter was building up inside me. I felt like a volcano ready to erupt. I was about to crack any minute. I wanted to laugh really bad but I had to hold it. Can this guy here this? If he would look to his right, maybe he would see it and laugh or at least change the channel. But no, he is talking like seriously about Islam and looking directly at me. I tried covering my mouth, pretending to cough, pressing my toes against my shoes...I even tried pinching myself but nothing worked...I kept hearing...ahhh....ahhh.....it felt like forever...Then when I thought it couldn’t get any worse...he asked me “so why do you want to marry my daughter”...I was speechless...I froze...I’m about to pee in my pants and explode with laughter. The camels are mating on the tv screen and this brother is asking me why I want to marry his daughter! There was a dead silence...the awkward silence which was supposely be avoided and I was like 5 seconds before I would either bust up with laughing so I told him I had to go to the bathroom. He probably thought I got nervous or something. I ran to bathroom like a madman and I think I laughed for like 2 minutes straight bro! 2 minutes of cracking up like someone who just lost his mind! I’m not sure if they could hear me or not but I was cracking up in there for a while. As soon as I wanted to exit, I started laughing. I had to do the whole “look-in-mirror-and-tell-yourself-to-be-serious” thing but the funny in me wouldn’t go away. They probably thought I was crazy for laughing in the bathroom but I couldn’t hold it bro.....ahhhhh...ahhhhh....(making camel noises)
Wow. I guess the discovery channel isn’t that safe.
Yeah, you can say that again.
I guess the discovery channel isn’t that safe.
That wasn’t funny.
(smiling). I give you credit though, I would of busted up laughing.
Me too.
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At February 23, 2006 11:37 AM, Blogger ahy said...

Oh dear God.. I was laughin for 5 minutes, I am teary lol... oh Allah hahahaha.

Oh yeah, im the guy who told u about the stuff on islamica and that im into 3d indsutry/media, etc...

At February 26, 2006 11:55 AM, Blogger Ismail Aslam said...


I like the script, what would be nice when shooting it would be to not have it all narrated, but have backflashes, or else i think it might get a bit too boaring, with to much dialogue.

best of luck


At February 26, 2006 9:16 PM, Blogger Baba Ali said...

Assalamm' Alaikum,

JazakAllah kair for the comments. Actually, we are doing blackflashes for the exact reason you mentioned, so it doesn't becomes just a long film of brothers talking in a car.

Most of the story is based on events that have actually occured. SubhanAllah, I have had my fair share of funny experiences so I hope to take them and put them in the film.

At April 15, 2006 5:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At July 12, 2006 9:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


that! is! so! funny!

and it's based on a true story??

extremely wahahahahahahahahahaha!!

At August 14, 2006 4:07 PM, Blogger Hind said...

OMA (Oh my Allah)

That was hilarious!!!!!!! My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. But what I want to know is did he actually marry the girl??

At October 20, 2006 6:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant believe it happend!

At November 09, 2006 3:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dat was sooooooooooooooooo funny. ineeded a good laugh. u guys r soooooooo hilarious

At January 25, 2007 7:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

great script!!! by the way brother, is there any problm with shiasm that many sunni brothers are afraid of? ( as it comes in your post) sometime they treat us like we are not muslim or we are najes. is this really what an ummah should be!!

At May 12, 2007 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahahaaaaaaa LMAO!!! jokes!!!

At May 24, 2007 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL i busted up laffing just reading it!!!

;) classic

At September 15, 2007 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yo that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo halarious man i was craking ma head off n i couldnt stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow that was the funniest thing i ever read !!!!!=)


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